While traveling to a nearby town for a Forum writing workshop, I was struck by the beautiful weather we were having in September. We’d had very warm days and cool nights, perfect for enjoying the outdoors and very comfortable for sleeping.

Years before I joined the Al-Anon program, I hated September because I realized summer, my favorite season, was over and I hadn’t enjoyed a bit of it. The reason was I had focused so much on all the sickness in our home that 90 days of beautiful weather had compressed into one large blur. Every day, rain or shine, was filled with stress, worry, sleeplessness, fatigue, and hatred of our situation. There was no way to squeeze joy into that lifestyle.

After finding my way to the Al-Anon program, I began to focus on what I was doing, not on what the many alcoholics in my life were doing. That was not easy to do. It started with regular attendance at meetings.

A member shared in one of my first meetings that she did not allow the alcoholic to control her meeting or to deny her the opportunity to go to her meeting. That idea stuck with me. Many times I felt too upset to go to my meeting, or the alcoholic wasn’t there to watch the children, but I learned to have a plan B. My dad could baby-sit for an hour at the last minute, and I could go whether I was upset or not.

Later I realized how important it was to go when I wasn’t feeling upset. Something I said could help another member, the same way my Al-Anon friend helped me when she shared how she wouldn’t allow others to deny her a chance to go to her meetings. That early focus on satisfying my own needs continues today through my service work. The more I’m involved in doing service, the more I get out of my program.

By Jim S., Wisconsin
The Forum, October 2004

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