My husband and I had been in couples counseling for several months when our psychologist suggested I try Al-Anon. My husband was not an alcoholic and my father, who was an alcoholic, had died over ten years earlier. My father’s alcoholism, the fact that I no longer lived with an active alcoholic, and the issues between my husband and me seemed to have little in common.

After several weeks of hearing the psychologist repeatedly suggest I attend Al-Anon, I seriously con-sidered the idea. I looked up Al-Anon in the phone book and got a meeting list. There were meetings every night of the week, but I zeroed in on a meeting for Al-Anon adult children.

Butterflies filled my stomach as I drove to my first meeting. My anxiety grew. By the time I climbed the steps to the meeting room, all of the emotions I had pushed down for so many years poured out. I entered the room in tears and sat down in a chair apart from the other members. A man walked over to me, took my hand, and led me to a seat next to a woman. She was kind, comforting, and encouraging, and she said I was in the right place.

In spite of feeling uncomfortable, I continued attending meetings. For several months, I cried uncontrollably. Soon the fog began to lift.

I realized how much my father’s drinking had impacted my actions and attitudes toward life, my husband, and my marriage. More than ten years after my father’s death, I was managing my life the same way I had managed the alcoholic situation. I couldn’t figure out why it no longer worked.

In Al-Anon I learned to my surprise that the problems between my husband and me weren’t entirely his fault. I was a finger-pointer, never considering that anything I did might contribute to our difficulties.

Now I realize I had a part in the breakdown of our marriage. With the help of the program and my Sponsor, I’m working to keep the focus on myself. The positive changes I’ve experienced in my marriage and in every aspect of my life amaze me.

By Kim G., Pennsylvania
The Forum, November 2004

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