When I was in crisis because I discovered my husband was having an affair, my therapist’s gentle insistence brought me to my first Al-Anon meeting. We had what I thought was a good marriage, so I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. More significantly, however, this was the second time a long-term partner had been unfaithful. The first time it happened, I could righteously blame my boyfriend for being a jerk and unworthy of me, but when it happened with my husband a second time, I felt I played some part in what happened.

During my first visit to the therapist, she suggested my husband was an alcoholic and that I might benefit from Al-Anon. I didn’t go to Al-Anon that first week, but when she suggested it again on my second visit, I still felt desperate so I decided to go to a meeting.

The first meeting I attended was not a successful experience. When I entered the church basement, I saw a large group of sad people sitting around talking about God and how awful their lives were. Well, at that point I was not ready to hear about any kind of Higher Power.

The gloomy stories depressed me so I thought, “How could these people help me?” They added, however, that newcomers should attend six different meetings. Apparently each meeting had its own character and since I still didn’t have any answers, I went to another group. Thank goodness I did! It was a small meeting comprised of empathetic, happy, supportive people about my age. I immediately felt hope that there might be something there for me.

Coming home from my second meeting, I read the pamphlet, Alcoholism, a Merry-Go-Round Named Denial (P-3), and I couldn’t believe what I was reading! It described my part in the whole cycle of my husband’s drinking. Until then, I’d never thought of myself as nagging, manipulative, or enabling, but when I read how the vicious cycle of denial works, I was stunned. Here was something I could do. I could try to stop my enabling behaviors and learn more about the disease of alcoholism. I knew then that if I wanted to get better, Al-Anon had something I could learn.

Al-Anon has changed my life and the lives of my family. I have learned why addicts always attracted me, why I grew up with low self-esteem. Now I have a better understanding of who I am and what I want out of life. Before I came to Al-Anon, I didn’t take good care of myself and I didn’t pray. Al-Anon has given me a Higher Power and a realistic view of the world and my role in it.

Three years later, my husband and I are still together. He’s been sober for several months and is actively working his program. I’m happy for him, but I know my recovery has to be the priority in my life whether he’s sober or not. We have a real chance to make our marriage work, but if I hadn’t gone to Al-Anon we would not be at this point in our lives. I love this program and will always be grateful to my therapist for suggesting that I try Al-Anon.

By Amy P.
The Forum, November 2004

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