I put down the magnifying glass and picked up the mirror when I came into Al-Anon. That meant no more finger-pointing, blaming others for my actions. Through the Al-Anon program, I've learned to control my unacceptable behavior. It was no longer acceptable for me to be condescending, belittling, intimidating, obnoxious, loud, or nasty to another person.

I looked within myself to figure out why I acted as though I was better than others and as though my opinions were the law. In the program, I learned to focus on myself, to take time to discover what I wanted, and to accept myself for who I am—knowing I can change any part of me when I become willing.

Taking a Fourth Step inventory has allowed me to see my positive and negative traits. I used to think my negative traits were the ones others pointed out to me. Surprisingly when I looked within myself, sorting through all of the good and bad adjectives that described me, I discovered I wasn't as bad as I originally thought. It was time to quit beating up on myself. I could become willing to change my attitudes and behaviors.

After releasing resentments that I had been storing from childhood, it became easier to socialize with people. The more I let a Higher Power into my life, let go of control, set boundaries I could live with, and addressed situations as they arose, the more serenity I found. It didn't cost me anything but time. I'm worth it. I could not see it before I came into the program, but now I put myself first. The better I feel about myself, the better I treat others. Thanks to Al-Anon, I no longer misdirect my anger.

By Andrea K., New Hampshire
The Forum, June 2005

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2005. All Rights Reserved.