Three months into the program, I finally had the courage to ask someone to be my Sponsor. She felt she hadn't been in Al-Anon long enough to sponsor another member. Her response crushed me so much that I decided I didn't really need a Sponsor—I could get along without one.

After attending a newcomers meeting for several months, I shopped around for a home group. Life went on. My husband and I adopted a baby. We arranged our work schedules to avoid placing our baby in day care. I worked Monday through Friday and my husband drove a truck on the weekends. He left Friday night and returned early Monday morning before I went to work. That seemed to operate smoothly.

Following a particularly stressful workweek, our refrigerator broke over the weekend. It was full of food so I had to deal with keeping the food cold, contacting our landlord, and purchasing a new refrigerator—all while taking care of our baby.

When my husband called Sunday night to tell me his truck had broken down and he would not be home before I went to work in the morning, I was livid! Screaming into the phone, I blamed him for the rotten week I had. It was his fault the refrigerator stopped working. He must have done something to cause the truck to break down. How dare he not come home when I had been doing everything the last three days! Without a backup plan for someone to watch our baby, what would I do? I had to go to work and I couldn't take our baby just anywhere. I would need to register at a day care and provide the baby’s immunization card.

What was my husband thinking? He had to be home before I left for work the following morning. I was so angry that I hung up on him. With the baby in my arms, I sat on the floor next to the refrigerator and sobbed.

Finally I was receptive to my Higher Power. I could see clearly that I was out of control. I'd been in the program for a year and I felt I was no further ahead than when I started. Step One came to my mind: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable." My life was unmanageable and I had just proven it. There was absolutely nothing I could do about my husband's truck or his ability to be home when I needed to leave for work.

Then I thought of Step Two: "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." Yes, I could see I was not sane. Nothing I had said to my husband was sane and I understood why I needed a Sponsor. In trying to work the program on my own I had gotten nowhere. Somewhere deep inside me I knew if I really wanted to change I would do what the Al-Anon members suggested.

I solved my day care problem and even apologized to my husband. A few days later, I called a woman my counselor had suggested I talk with before I started attending Al-Anon. We had never met, but we had talked. I felt very comfortable with her, so I called and asked her to be my Sponsor. She said yes and I’ve been on the most wonderful journey of my life because she has shared her experience, strength, and hope with me. Now I understand my Higher Power had a plan for me all along. He knew how to reach me and who would be the best Sponsor for me.

By Beth K., Iowa
The Forum, October 2005

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