I came to Al-Anon to stay out of my boyfriend's business. I was in another Twelve Step program so I knew I was the problem, but I needed a program that focused on relationships. My guy said he was an alcoholic—he hadn't had a drink in 16 years—so I used that to sneak in the back door. I didn't feel I was qualified to be in Al-Anon because my life was free of any real alcoholics.

When I read the book, How Al-Anon Works, I discovered many people in my life had a drinking problem! The list included my dad, granddad, almost every guy I ever dated, and many close friends. I just thought my life was normal because I didn’t know any different. Then I realized I qualified to attend Al-Anon.

Growing up, I lived in a chaotic household. My mom was a monster who drove my dad to drink. She hated me because I was worthless. My dad was unhappy so he drank and was mean to me. That's what I thought about my mom and dad.

The most amazing thing happened in Al-Anon. Listening to the wives of alcoholics share their thoughts, feelings, and actions, I realized my mom didn’t drive my dad to drink. She didn't rage at me because she was a monster or because I was worthless, but because she was living in active alcoholism and had no tools to deal with the situation. The more I heard my mom’s side of the story—through Al-Anon members sharing their experience, strength, and hope—the more compassion I felt for her.

As my memories became more objective, I realized love motivated my mom’s actions toward me. She just didn’t have the skills to communicate her love to me. As I came to understand the disease, my heart melted. Not only did I feel love for my mom, but I felt her love for me. Amazingly, I even felt love for myself! I was unable to love myself unconditionally when I thought my mom didn't love me. I came to Al-Anon to keep the relationship with my boyfriend, and Al-Anon gave me a relationship with my mom! Changing my attitude and perspective really changed my world.

By Andrea G., California
The Forum, July 2005

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