When I had been coming to Al-Anon for several years, I felt my program could see me through almost any situation. I’d done it all—set up coffee, chaired meetings, spoke when I could, served at the area level, and even had the opportunity to participate in a workshop at one of Al-Anon’s International Conventions.

My husband was sober and active in his Alcoholics Anonymous group. My son had a good start as a younger member of Alateen for a few years, though he chose not to continue after that. He had grown up surrounded by recovery, attending meetings during Al-Anon and AA weekends. On long trips he was held captive in the car while we listened to speaker tapes. We were a recovery family, or so I thought.

When my son stopped attending Alateen, I knew he began experimenting with alcohol and other substances. I spoke about these concerns at my home meetings, but mostly I expressed that I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Where were the hysteria and panic attacks I had experienced when my husband was still drinking? Was I in denial about my son? Was I enabling him because I didn’t do something about his actions? Was I afraid if I did anything I’d never see my son again?

Someone in the program told me that I was okay, that my program was doing exactly what it was supposed to do—that it was working. I lived through a lot of pain during my husband’s drinking. I learned in Al-Anon that I didn’t cause his alcoholism and I couldn’t cure it, but the tools of the program would help me to cope. I also discovered that I didn’t have to experience all of the pain and suffering if I just turned my life and my will over to my Higher Power and used the tools that the program provided. Those tools remained a daily part of my life long after my husband stopped drinking.

When my son turned 20, he checked himself into a rehabilitation program over his winter break from college. It has been a couple of months now since his release, and I have to admit there are times when I want to slip back into my old anxiety-filled state. I still want to try to control him and fix things so he doesn’t relapse. Fortunately I have my faith in God and I know that my son has his own Higher Power to guide him. What a relief that is! It gives me peace and serenity to know that my tools are working.

By Cindy M., Pennsylvania
The Forum, July 2004

Reprinted with Permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Hdqts, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA