My family's efforts to help the alcoholic included dumping alcohol and telling the alcoholic what he should do to stop drinking. He eventually agreed to see a counselor, but stopped going after a few visits. When the alcoholic quit attending meetings, I called his counselor for advice because I didn't know what else to do. The counselor was out of town, so I decided to cope with the situation myself.

Everyone in our family was unhappy. It seemed as though we had given up on the alcoholic. Before I looked into the possibility of committing the alcoholic to a treatment center, I decided to call the counselor again. I reached his answering machine and hung up without leaving a message. The counselor called me an hour later asking if he could help me with anything.

I told the counselor I needed help deciding what to do with the alcoholic. The counselor asked if I had ever attended Al-Anon. I told him I hadn't because I thought the alcoholic was the one who needed help. The counselor suggested I attend an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible. He told me to listen for ten minutes. He said I didn't even have to stay, I just needed to try it. That seemed simple enough, so I picked a group that met on the other side of town where there would be little chance of someone recognizing me. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

During my first meeting, I realized there were other people who had experienced the effects of living with alcoholism. What a relief! Everyone in the group was friendly and non-judgmental. They welcomed me and gave me a list of phone numbers in case I needed to talk to someone between meetings. I was afraid of what the alcoholic would say when he found out where I had been, but felt peaceful knowing Al-Anon could help me.

Since that first meeting, I haven't missed one and my life has gotten better. In retrospect, I realize that I was the one who needed help. With my Higher Power, I move forward more than I move backward—even though I still have more to learn.

By Judy K., North Dakota
The Forum, May 2005

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