I had a problem when other people controlled me—I hated it—but I didn't realize my behavior was controlling. I knew what everyone else's problems were and exactly what they should do. However, I had few friends, wasn’t popular, and people avoided doing anything with me. I tried volunteer work and served on committees, but that didn’t help me make friends. I had no idea what my problem was, but I knew I felt lonely and unlikable.

When I first found Al-Anon, I thought I was scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for friends there, but those people accepted and welcomed me. During the meetings I listened to members talk about their controlling behaviors. They said their lives had been miserable before Al-Anon. I could identify! I began accepting that I had a problem. The members shared that they felt much better and had friends in Al-Anon, so I kept going back.

In the beginning I couldn't tell when I was controlling another person unless someone else pointed it out to me. I felt hopeless and thought I would never change. One of the first tools I learned in Al-Anon was that progress, not perfection, is the goal. Then I learned that change happens slowly. As I continued attending meetings and reading Al-Anon literature, I eventually became aware of my controlling behavior while I was actually doing it. Finally, I became aware of my controlling behavior before I did it. I did have a chance to change! The possibility of a new, happier life opened up to me because of Al-Anon.

I still have a long way to go in my recovery, but I have hope thanks to Al-Anon literature and meetings. Now I have friends, new understanding, and more good days than bad ones. Life is exciting and worth living. I'm less interested in perfection and appreciate each moment with a sense of joy. I accept the people in my life without judging them and have more serenity and love in my life than ever before.

By Anonymous, Vermont
The Forum, October 2005

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