I was lonely, scared, and ravaged by shame and guilt when I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting in prison. I'm the first person in my family incarcerated due to the family disease of alcoholism, which has been in my family for generations. I blamed myself for my father's increasing binges and for my family's unhealthy behaviors. I was full of resentment.

There were 30 women in my first meeting, but I found myself instantly drawn to the two who were bringing the meeting to those of us who could not get to outside meetings. I felt love emanating from those two members.

The women in the group were so open and honest while sharing that it wasn't long before I felt I was right where I was supposed to be. My loneliness began slipping away when members who grew up in situations similar to mine shared the same feelings I had. I listened, absorbing their experience, strength, and hope. Soon I began reading Al-Anon literature and working the Twelve Steps.

As my faith in my Higher Power grew stronger, I learned to "Let Go and Let God." I found hope and believed I could work through my shame and guilt to find the serenity that has always eluded me. For years I carried my family's shame before realizing I no longer needed to shoulder all the blame. I experienced an awakening when I heard the phrase, "I didn't cause the alcoholism, I can't control it, and I can't cure it." What a relief!

I learned how to detach with love in Al-Anon. I love the alcoholic, although it is from a distance, and I will always encourage his recovery. I realize he was doing the best he could with what he knew. Through taking a moral inventory of myself and sharing it with my Higher Power and another person, I was able to overcome my past resentments. I'm no longer stuck. Now I can move forward.

I've been attending Al-Anon meetings for more than a year. I'm so grateful for this institution and the volunteers who are bringing Al-Anon to us. Their dedication is an inspiration. I've finally found the peace and serenity I've been longing for all my life.

By Dawn P., North Carolina
The Forum, August 2006

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