When a good friend in Al-Anon said, "He's destroying himself—it's killing me," I remembered why I belong in this program. Like my friend, sometimes I forget that I don't need to fall over on the floor and die if the person sitting next to me takes poison!

I've discovered in Al-Anon that I spent most of my life focusing on other people rather than on myself. If a small child is about to fall, my natural instinct is to reach out to prevent the toddler from getting hurt. Before Al-Anon, I kept reaching out to help adults who hadn't asked for my help.

I'm adopting a different attitude in recovery. How can I know what’s best for others? I frequently don't know what's best for me. Other people have the right to make their own choices without my advice.

Applying Step One in my life has helped with my tendency to control others. All of my attempts failed to control alcoholism, the alcoholic, or other people. My initial realization that I'm powerless was very disappointing because my pattern was to try to help others by fixing their problems.

The benefits of letting go of my self-imposed responsibility to fix others far outweighed the disappointments. I learned I wasn't responsible for other people's problems and that other people deserved the respect and dignity to deal with their own problems without my interference.

By Bill D., Florida
The Forum, January 2006

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2006. All Rights Reserved