My son was 17 when he first started using drugs. At first I thought he was just trying something new. As a child of the 60's, I thought drugs were better than drinking beer. When my son's behavior changed and he got into trouble with the law, my life certainly became unmanageable.

I fell to my knees, surrendering before I ever heard of Al-Anon. I was terror stricken and desperate and had no idea what was happening to my son. I was unaware of what alcoholism and addiction really meant to a family—how it tore a family apart with blame, anger, indecision, and loss.

When my son entered an out-patient program, my husband and I went to the group sessions for parents where we heard about Al-Anon and the disease of alcoholism. I began to see that I had a problem, too, because I was not living a healthy and rewarding life. The people in the sessions said I could go to Al-Anon to help myself. I went on a Saturday just to find the meeting place and check it out. When I peeked in the room, I saw that the meeting was just breaking up. Everyone was smiling. They looked happy and were hugging each other. I remember thinking, "I want to feel that way!" I left without speaking to anyone, but returned a week later and have been going twice a week ever since.

Al-Anon changed my life. I discovered my parents were children of alcoholics, and that answered a lot of questions about my childhood. The lying, manipulation, paranoia, and lack of affection began to make sense and I could let go of some of my resentments. Now I know my parents did the best they could. They did not have Al-Anon.

I've found a new confidence—a sense of peace. I feel guidance from within me that I had always wanted from others. I'm working on changing the patterns of behavior I learned as a young child, because those behaviors no longer work for me. Some of my habits are hard to change after 50 years, but it is well worth the effort. The support of the group is always with me. The out-patient program did not cure my son, but we are a family again.

By Anonymous
The Forum, July 2005

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